New Sunrises

So, it's been another drive-800-miles-round-trip-weekend! I just got back from my second trip to NC, only this time was spent setting up our new place of residence. Brent found this great property for rent and I'm so excited to move there permanently once the baby arrives. Of course we are renting for now and once our house in IL sells we can start looking for something more permanent in NC. However, this house is a nice clean country property with plenty of room for all our critters (no need to pay for boarding Captain . . . . YEAH).

So, my goal this weekend was to start making that house a home. It seems like we've been on the move constantly since we got married and I still have stuff in boxes that I haven't seen in over 3.5 years! I had made the assumption ("make and teach no assumptions") that I would get married and immediately have a "home" of my own but that has not been the case. Our first few months of marriage we're spent in Albany, NY. Brent was working for FEMA and having a great time but I couldn't take the cramped city life and so I moved back to TN. Yes, I left my husband in Albany with the plan that he would find a job in TN and we could start our "home" there! However, that's not what the good Lord had planned (ever heard that sayin . . . tell God your plans and he'll turn your whole life upside down?) Brent found a job as an Advertising Director with a family owned newspaper company in Jacksonville, IL. So, off we went to little ol J'ville. I was excited to buy a house and start remodeling and making it a "home"! Well, I learned shortly after demo that we had gotten into a whole lotta something that even HGTV couldn't fix (trust me, I looked at ways to get them there). The remodeling experience was a true test on our marriage and we learned alot about each other VERY quickly. So, on top of having new jobs (mine of which I hated and had a really hard time adjusting to), no friends/family close by, another mortgage payment and a remodeling fiasco I was not happy with our "home". I wanted a home, not every room under construction with a constant mess in it. It was a true test of character and very hard to see colors of myself that I didn't like. I learned I was not good at doing "change", even though I thought of myself as adventurous and never one to shy away from new experiences. I learned what my definition of a "home" was and what my husbands definition was (guess what? they were not the same). And neither was our spousal role definitions :) Needless to say we both learned alot about ourselves and thank the good Lord for helping us make it through those trying times.

So, here we are now. Three and a half years into our marriage and we're moving to another state and another home. Only this time I'm way more relaxed! I'm not over obsessing about the house being a certain way or having everything in it's place. For the first time I really feel just HAPPY to be starting anew with my husband and our new baby! I'm learning that it's much easier to just go with the flow then to worry about every detail. Of course, I do worry about some things but not to the scale that I used to. I know that God is guiding our every step and although we fall down every now and then He picks us up and gets us back on track. I feel "on track" and that feels really good. It's amazing to see how God brings this around full circle. Actually, it's even more amazing when you realize that the circle could have been smaller if you had gotten rid of your "plan" and your definitions of what a "home", "husband", and "happy life" are!

I'm sure this won't be the last time I have to learn to relax and trust God; hello, we're having our first baby . . . can you say more life lessons soon to come? However, I know that I'll survive and come out stronger on the other side thanks to my wonderful husband and supportive family.

I'm looking forward to sharing the new sunrises with Brent (he emails one to me almost every morning) and our baby!