The Powers that Be . . .

As I write this post tonight I'm enjoying a warm fire and a quiet evening. Samantha went to bed almost an hour ago and Brent is in Tennessee working on the house. Having a quiet night to myself is a small miracle! I'm reveling the quiet evenings as I know this will all change in about three months. I have just started my 29th week of pregnancy and can hardly imagine that I'll have a new tiny baby in my arms soon. It has taken me a little while to warm up to the idea of having two little ones, however, as I have bonded with this glorious bundle of energy inside me I find myself more excited everyday to meet him or her. And, truth be told, the reason it's taken me a bit to "warm up" is because I've had to conquer my unresolved fears from Samantha's birth.

Since this pregnancy happened rather quickly I have been forced to come to grips with how my first birthing experience turned out. I found I was carrying alot of guilt for having a c-section, and also alot of fear. Fear was the bigger factor, how was I going to avoid the same outcome with this pregnancy? There were a couple of times that I didn't listen to my instincts during Samantha's pregnancy so I'm listening to them now. I wanted an ultrasound towards the end of my first pregnancy but my midwife had convinced me that it was unnecessary and baby was in head down position. Plus, I'd been doing research on unnecessary ultrasounds and I believe that they do pose certain health risks to the fetus. So no ultrasounds were done during that pregnancy, not until the 42nd week when they found Samantha was breech. So, with this pregnancy I plan on having an ultrasound at the 38th week mark to determine if baby is in good position. If baby is breech then we will have some extra time to help turn the baby and increase our success of a natural birthing experience. Plus, the fact that Samantha was breech was not really the determining factor in her becoming a c-section baby. I had tried various ways to induce my labor naturally and it always started but never went past 3cm dilation. The fact that my body was not going into labor was more of a concern for me than was the matter of breech. I would have allowed the midwives to deliver a breech baby, as they have experience doing this, but my body wasn't helping.

I have a different midwife now, mainly because we live in a different state. She has been helping me work through some of these fears but she basically tells me that "I just have to get over it"! Which may sound kinda harsh but its actually something I would say. The truth is I have no control over how this birthing experience will go. I can not plan the "perfect" delivery and I've proven that already. All I can do is be as prepared as possible and go into this labor with an open mind. I have to trust my body and let it do what God made it to do. If I hold on to the "fear" than that will only impede the birth and make matters worse.

I have a semi-plan. Hopefully this birth will take place at a birthing center in Statesville, NC. They are only one of two birthing centers in NC and a majority of their clients are first time VBAC's. It's a center with two midwives and one OB. The nearest hospital is three minutes away. Unlike The Farm birthing center this center is more modern and has more equipment and meds if needed. I don't really like that it feels "modern" because I still imagine myself giving birth in a tranquil setting like The Farm. However, I can create my own tranquility. Plus, this center has a really nice birthing tub that I think I'm going to enjoy using for labor.

So, other than trying to prepare for the delivery and arrival of baby #2 things are going very well. In the last couple of months we've spent alot of time with my family. We spent Christmas with my family in Oklahoma for the first time in three years. It was a long two day car ride to get there but it was worth it. Samantha had a blast playing with her cousins and my parents really enjoyed spending time with her too.

Putting on new boots!

Helping Avery open her gifts

Merry Christmas!!

Abby thinks Samantha stole her toy.

Cutie pa-tootie!

Long drive home, must sleep!!

Our next big adventure came the following month in January. One thing on my mother's bucket list was to take her entire family to Cancun. Well, that wish was fulfilled with all 19 of us spending a week together at the Moon Palace in Cancun. It was an all-inclusive resort so all we had to worry about was getting there. We decided to fly out of Atlanta since there were no direct flights out of Charlotte. Plus, we could stay with Brent's Aunt Amanda in Atlanta and that made everything super easy. It's only a three hour drive to Atlanta so we figured that was worth having to take two flights total, instead of four. Samantha was a trooper and did great on both flights. We upgraded to first class on the flight out of Cancun which made things super comfortable for everyone. Samantha slept an hour on each flight so that helped me out quite a bit!

Here are a few pics of our time in Cancun!